Craving Ownership

The non-kink stuff

You like dogs.

I have two of my own, plus I look after my friends' dogs sometimes. There is always dog hair on my couch and my clothes, and in my bed. They are not my 'pets' - they are my family. They are dependent on me for their emotional and physical well-being, and I am very serious about that responsibility. If you only tolerate dogs but you don't want wet noses stuck in your face or cheeky snouts trying to steal food off your plate, then we won't get along because both of those things make me laugh.

You believe that every person is worthy of respect.

Even that group of people. And them? Yup, them too. And those over there? Uh huh.

You do not make fun of people for things that they cannot change. You do not punch down. You believe that the world would be a better place without sexism, misogyny, racism, etc. You are open to learning about how your own behaviour upholds the patriarchy and how you can change. You are willing to do the work.

You do not get violent when you get angry.

Yelling is violent, by the way.

I cannot handle violence outside of BDSM. I have a hard enough time dealing with conflict - if my Dominant were to be violent in anger, regardless as to whether the anger was directed at me, I would shut down in fear. Regardless of whether it was 'never' going to escalate into physical violence.

This does not mean you cannot get angry. It just means that you do not use violence to cope with the anger.

You do not use removal of attention or affection as punishment.

There's a whole essay I could write about punishment and how it doesn't work to change behaviour, but putting that aside - you do not give the silent treatment as a way of showing displeasure. That will break me, and not in any kind of good way.

I am a valued person in your life, and your treatment of me reflects that.

I can do monogamy or polyamory - I don't feel a strong pull to either side in terms of sex. But regardless of whether I am your only, your primary, or a secondary partner in a polyam set up, I am openly acknowledged in your life. You do not treat me like a mistress or a dirty little secret. We have a relationship beyond sex and play that takes us out into the world together.

The Kink Stuff

You understand the work that is required of someone on the left side of the '/'.

I am just starting to learn how much work should be put in by the D in a healthy D/s relationship. It's not something I have experienced in my past PE relationships and I do not want to tread old ground going forward.

Stephen_Mar's writing, Collected Bits of Learned Mistakes re: Mastery, is absolutely brilliant. Go read it. You need a Fetlife account - it's free to sign up and worth it just to read this essay.

Power Exchange

Power exchange is my strongest kink. I want to be owned and collared in a TPE relationship but I will not rush into that. I cannot submit to the level that I want without knowing if you are an honourable person, and the only way to learn that is through time spent together, and control being slowly passed over to you.

Orgasm control and denial gets its own mention. It's a love/hate thing. When I'm begging to cum, I physically really want to cum. But mentally, I need someone who is willing to say no. Not always - I do want to orgasm! My pleasure is important to you, but it is important to me that my pleasure is at your discretion. Sometimes it's all about you, sometimes it's all about me, but it is always because that is what you want. You enjoy orgasm denial for the feeling of control. Being controlled in this way is something I need to feel owned. I will take ownership and fewer but much more intense orgasms any day of the week over being alone with as many orgasms as I want.

You are a sadist.

Sadism is not something you bring out to play with occasionally. It is an integral part of how you fuck and how you play. You want to hurt me and use me for your own pleasure. You delight in my screams. You love how floaty and spaced out I get from one good face slap. You like to leave marks on my body. You get hard at the sound of my sobs.

Service

You understand that accepting service is a skill. You are willing to work with me to figure the best way for me to perform service for you, and the way I feel most appreciated doing so. Service is becoming a stronger pull in my life than ever before and I want that piece of me to be cherished by my Dominant.